Dear American Idol

Dear American Idol,

This is very hard for me to do. We’ve been together for seven years, spending hours each week from January through April. Besides my wife and my children, I may have spent more time with you than anyone else. OK, that’s a lie; I’ve spent more time with the NFL and MLB, but you’re close behind.

But I’m afraid it’s over.

Please don’t misunderstand. We’ve had great times. We cried, we laughed, we critiqued. We wondered if Paula was drunk or stoned. We wondered if Simon was a cynical genius, or just a jerk. We wondered if Randy had only 45 words in his vocabulary. And we cheered for our favorites: Kim Locke (Season 2), LaToya London (Season 3), Carrie Underwood (Season 4), Chris Daughtry (Season 5), Phil Stacey (Season 6), David Cook (Season 7), and Kris Allen (Season 8).

We rooted against some that inexplicably marched too far in the competition: Kim Caldwell (Season 2), Fantasia (Season 3), Taylor Hicks (Season 5), Kristy Lee Cook (Season 7).

But it just isn’t working anymore. I wish I could soften the blow with the “It’s not you, it’s me routine”, but it’s definitely you. I know this is cold, but here’s the list of why I’m leaving:
· I’m sick of Randy Jackson. “Pitchy.” “I’m not feelin’ it, dog.” Please stop.
· The Season 8 talent is the worst group since Season 2.
· Ellen is not funny on this show.
· Simon is more bitter than normal. And that’s saying something.
· Ryan Seacrest started annoying me in Season 4; it’s only gotten worse since then.
· It’s just too big of a time commitment.

So I’m really sorry, but I’m joining the millions who’ve already left you. I know you probably won’t even notice, but I’m not coming back.

Adam